The perfect start!

Ok so the day is getting closer to my sons arrival.  And most days I find myself wanting to do nothing but sleep, even knowing that I have about a million things to get done.  So I sleep in whenever I get a chance and usually have just enough time each day to do the normal chores and nothing more.  Today for the first time I feel like I might actually get something else done!  All the thanks in the world goes to my husband who in a weird burst of energy tidied up basically the whole house last night before coming to bed! ( I was already asleep before my head even hit the pillow).  And oddly enough he started out his day at the crack of dawn, he made heroic efforts to let both me and our daughter sleep in as long as we liked.  Unfortunately for me, my daughter decided to wake up at 6am.  Now usually this wouldn't be a problem because she would crawl into bed with me and quietly watch tv till a more reasonable hour, but this time so was so full of energy that she couldn't sit still and even if she could for some reason I could not go back to sleep.  So, we got up said goodbye to Greg as he left for work and I looked around to realize I have no clue what to do with myself!  Usually I get up and spend an hour or so bringing dishes from the night before to the kitchen, picking up garbage, picking up toys, picking up laundry, and generally tidying the whole house before I can even think about eating or doing the normal chores.  My house is basically clean!  At the very least it's the most tidy it's been in months and I didn't have to do a thing!  So all the normal chores I'd have to do are gonna take me half the time! Yes there is still the normal loads of laundry to do but that doesn't bother me at all and the dishes needed to be put in the dish washer but I did that while I was waiting for my coffee to get done... I feel almost lost without the usual mess to deal with.  But at the same time I am so thankful for the space to breathe.  So now what do I do?  Of course start the laundry, but past that and maybe sweeping the floor, I think I need to find my list of things I never have time for!  So in short, thank you to my wonderful husband, (and his sudden burst of energy) for giving me a wonderful start to this week!

Why not now (the beginning)

     Ok, so I have no clue what I'm doing here.  I decided today that I wanted to try my hand at blogging.  Now keep in mind I've never written or read a blog before and so I'm winging it.  I am a stay at home mom currently in my 32 week of my second pregnancy.  I'm tired all the time and busy all the time and yet I seem to think adding one more thing to my plate is a good thing.  I must be crazy.  I think part of why I am doing this is because I feel like I'm starting a new journey in my life and I want there to be some account of what happens.  With that in mind I am gonna be really honest about where I am starting out personally, about who I am right now.
     I, as a person tend to be lazy by nature.  I hate waking up in the morning as much as I hate going to sleep at night.  Most mornings I wake up and lay in bed as long as I can without feeling to guilty.  My daughter needing to eat is one of the few things that will get me moving and even then it's not something I look forward to.  I hate cleaning but it seems to be all I do these days, and not well.  I am overweight and it's mostly my own fault.  I like candy and carbs more then life itself, and my struggles with depression and physical pain do not help matters any.  I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about a year or so ago and have been doing my best to pretend it doesn't exist ever since.  I tend to have a much shorter temper than I would even care to admit.  And I hate social situations because I always feel like if I'm not talking or outgoing people will think I'm a bitch or when I do talk my tone of voice comes off wrong and I'm seen as a bitch anyway so I stay home as much as possible.
     The last few months have been something of a mental journey for me in realizing some things about myself.  First, something I've known for a long time, I do not take very good care of myself, I tend to not even put myself on the list.  Then I resent others for that fact because I feel guilty when I try to put myself on the list and it is always an inconvenience for someone else.  Second, I have spent so much of my life taking care of others either out of necessity or responsibility, that I have never really had any goals for myself.  In fact I'm not even sure how to set realistic goals for myself.  Third, I way over think things.  If I were to just get up and do what needs to be done without analyzing everything down to the smallest detail, I would get a lot more done and life would be simple.  And lastly I have realized that it's time I stop being someone I want to hide and start being the person I want my children to become.
     Ok so to end a really long first blog this will hopefully be a picture of how I change my life and the lives of those around me.  I know there will be ups and downs along the way and many days will be a battle but if I can take each day as a new day and fill it with all it's potential, maybe, just maybe I can become the person I want to be and be an example for all the other imperfect people out there to grow and be the people they want to be as well.