Ok, so I have no clue what I'm doing here. I decided today that I wanted to try my hand at blogging. Now keep in mind I've never written or read a blog before and so I'm winging it. I am a stay at home mom currently in my 32 week of my second pregnancy. I'm tired all the time and busy all the time and yet I seem to think adding one more thing to my plate is a good thing. I must be crazy. I think part of why I am doing this is because I feel like I'm starting a new journey in my life and I want there to be some account of what happens. With that in mind I am gonna be really honest about where I am starting out personally, about who I am right now.
I, as a person tend to be lazy by nature. I hate waking up in the morning as much as I hate going to sleep at night. Most mornings I wake up and lay in bed as long as I can without feeling to guilty. My daughter needing to eat is one of the few things that will get me moving and even then it's not something I look forward to. I hate cleaning but it seems to be all I do these days, and not well. I am overweight and it's mostly my own fault. I like candy and carbs more then life itself, and my struggles with depression and physical pain do not help matters any. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about a year or so ago and have been doing my best to pretend it doesn't exist ever since. I tend to have a much shorter temper than I would even care to admit. And I hate social situations because I always feel like if I'm not talking or outgoing people will think I'm a bitch or when I do talk my tone of voice comes off wrong and I'm seen as a bitch anyway so I stay home as much as possible.
The last few months have been something of a mental journey for me in realizing some things about myself. First, something I've known for a long time, I do not take very good care of myself, I tend to not even put myself on the list. Then I resent others for that fact because I feel guilty when I try to put myself on the list and it is always an inconvenience for someone else. Second, I have spent so much of my life taking care of others either out of necessity or responsibility, that I have never really had any goals for myself. In fact I'm not even sure how to set realistic goals for myself. Third, I way over think things. If I were to just get up and do what needs to be done without analyzing everything down to the smallest detail, I would get a lot more done and life would be simple. And lastly I have realized that it's time I stop being someone I want to hide and start being the person I want my children to become.
Ok so to end a really long first blog this will hopefully be a picture of how I change my life and the lives of those around me. I know there will be ups and downs along the way and many days will be a battle but if I can take each day as a new day and fill it with all it's potential, maybe, just maybe I can become the person I want to be and be an example for all the other imperfect people out there to grow and be the people they want to be as well.
